Some days I have to pause at the overwhelming reality that I have a child.
Countless bottles on my bathroom sink.
Pump parts everywhere.
Our tidy living room now cluttered with baby toys.
Milk bags in the freezer.
Endless loads of laundry.
Diapers and wipes and more diapers, oh my!
2,413 things you need to take when leaving the house.
The baby Einstein tunes stuck on repeat.
I stop and think. I can’t believe this is my life.
I can’t believe I created a tiny human.
I can’t believe I gave birth to her naturally.
I can’t believe I did it without pain meds.
I can’t believe she only weighed 4 lbs 13 oz.
I can’t believe she’s now 13 lbs.
I can’t believe how much she looks like her daddy.
I can’t believe how quickly she grows.
I can’t believe how easily it is to adapt.
I can’t believe how naturally everything becomes.
I can’t believe how loved she is.
I can’t believe how much I love her.
I am in love with her smile.
I am in love with her laughter.
I am in love with her chubby thighs.
I am in love with her blue eyes.
I am in love with her double chin.
I am in love with her bald flat head.
I am in love with everything about her.
Her smile melts my heart.
Her laughter makes my heart ache for more. Her tears bring tears to my own eyes.
The way she studies my face is something I never want to forget. She knows me. She trusts me. She loves me.
I can’t believe this is something I didn’t think I needed. I can’t believe this is something I thought I could live without.
God called me to it. She is His daughter as much as she is mine.
Life is beautiful. It is precious. Every human life deserves to be valued. Jemma is no different than any unplanned baby. The light inside her is not there because she was wanted, it’s there because she is one of Gods children. Planned or unplanned, babies are Gods children. Planned or unplanned, they are human. Planned or unplanned, they will one day laugh the way Jemma laughs. They will one day smile, the way Jemma smiles.
They will one day unconditionally LOVE the way Jemma loves. If given the chance.
They only need the chance.
“I wish, oh Jesus, that my voice could reach to the ends of the world, to call all sinners and tell them to enter into Thy Heart….Oh, if only all sinners would come to Thy Heart!… Come! Come sinners, do not be afraid! The sword of Justice cannot reach you here!” ~St Gemma Galgani